When I was very young and first started school it was mandatory to learn how to swim and dive.
I remember especially when we suppose to jump from the higher (3m) trampolin. My big worry was when I finally arrived in the water, that I would misunderstand what was up and down, and swim in the wrong direction and consequently die because I would never have enough time to get back up to the surface in time due to my little detour.
So I never dive from from any heights. Not then and not now.
Now I know that if I am confused down there I just blow out some air and it will show me where is up, however now I am concerned if I would hit something I can’t see from the surface on my down.
And die and never come up.
Another time I accidently fell into a 2m deep hole covered by snow, so once in it I had no idea what it was, how deep it was and where safety was. And I was fully winter dressed and it was around 40 cm of snow so no one could hear me mumbling around there.
Eventually I had to give up – I couldn’t stay afloat longer.
So I let myself sink.
The layer of snow vanished over my head like icebergs.
Eternally and evergreen and I would just be forever gone.
Then I hit the bottom.
And when I hit the bottom I realized I could jump myself up.
And when I could jump I could explore where there was something to hold on to.
And once I done that I could climb up.
And once up I could walk home.
I almost drowned – in a hole – made for a waterpump on the back side of someone’s summer house, which they left uncovered during the winter – in a water glass it felt like.
The sinking – regardless of if it is air, water or in our minds – is the scary part. Am I dying? what will that be like? Will it happen soon or w ill I experience pain first? How far away is it? Is this the beginning or the end?
Surviving at this stage isn’t always an option. Everything is surrendered and we sink.
Flying through the air. Sinking like stones in water. Lost in our minds.
And then the crash. Hitting rock bottom.
And we wake up. (Hopefully).
Our personal Ground Zero.
343 signals home. Pushing upwards.