When being still is over

I have accepted and learned to be still in discomfort. Also in comforts I have yet to tell about. All of us have camped together on a very…

With this post I have reached the 300 signals to find my way back home to myself.

I have accepted and learned to be still in discomfort. Also in comforts I have yet to tell about. All of us have camped together on a very small space. Every little issue and every little pain has unconditionally been welcomed in.

So it has gotten a bit crowded and I don’t want to be still anymore.

I want to explore now and reach outside this little camp. To go and meet the world may be to use too big words at this stage – just a minor stretch for now.

I can always go back right and I know now I actually do still breathe and keep on living after even the biggest fears really happen and to correct mistakes and short comings are not being doomed for failing in the first place.

Life unfolds and we course correct.

As part of exposing my own new journey in different ways I have decided to add also the strategic options and choices I have to do. This includes stepping back out in the world with my head high and let a larger amount of people take take part in my work.

It also includes reviewing, evaluate and re-choose and re-evaluate again and again.

In the same way that I have picked gold nuggets from here and there I hope that any one, who may be in a similar situation, could take advantage of mine. AND. And this is a big and – then there is a money side to every story.

But that is for another day.

Today is about that minor stretch for now.

Be brave and step out.

300 signals to go.

OK and not OK

Not OK is that I have stopped to tolerate just about anything…

Today things have been both OK and not OK.

I am slowly , but surely, sorting out all papers related to my mother’s death. One thing per week is the speed we go by, but it feels ok. I can acknowledge that I am moving forward without being totally over-whelmed. So that is ok.

Not OK is that I have stopped to tolerate just about anything, which I used to do with an addicted parent and so on. My chaos and mental pain tolerance used to be way above any normal and sane person. That said this in-tolerance could be seen as a good sign – however my kids complain – and in particular 1 of them.

Even though I know I am doing the right thing it it is hard sometimes. I am an adult. This is my home. She is also an adult – at least on the paper – and this is suppose to be on equal terms and not any you-owe-it-to-me-I-can-do-what-I-want-terms…the temporary turmoil does bring me down from time to time.

I don’t mind failing or being vulnerable, but I want to feel that when I am at home I am safe and I can have peace of mind – and quiet. My sub concious has been so over-worked around my mother in so many years it is like I have to retrain my brain , that I don’t have to have all sensors on, all the time, all days of the week anymore.

Last year about this time I did some fearless training. That was how I started actually. Learning yoga and about my own fears and how to re-train. Best is to do it 3 times they say – so maybe it is time to do it again. That is my tomorrow.

Now we sit here – she and I – writing with our computers and sharing a chocolate. Peace at last. For the moment. Maybe it is not only me who needs to find a new way home.

329 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Graphic Mouse at FreeDigitalPhotos.net