I have accepted and learned to be still in discomfort. Also in comforts I have yet to tell about. All of us have camped together on a very…
With this post I have reached the 300 signals to find my way back home to myself.
I have accepted and learned to be still in discomfort. Also in comforts I have yet to tell about. All of us have camped together on a very small space. Every little issue and every little pain has unconditionally been welcomed in.
So it has gotten a bit crowded and I don’t want to be still anymore.
I want to explore now and reach outside this little camp. To go and meet the world may be to use too big words at this stage – just a minor stretch for now.
I can always go back right and I know now I actually do still breathe and keep on living after even the biggest fears really happen and to correct mistakes and short comings are not being doomed for failing in the first place.
Life unfolds and we course correct.
As part of exposing my own new journey in different ways I have decided to add also the strategic options and choices I have to do. This includes stepping back out in the world with my head high and let a larger amount of people take take part in my work.
It also includes reviewing, evaluate and re-choose and re-evaluate again and again.
In the same way that I have picked gold nuggets from here and there I hope that any one, who may be in a similar situation, could take advantage of mine. AND. And this is a big and – then there is a money side to every story.
But that is for another day.
Today is about that minor stretch for now.
Be brave and step out.
300 signals to go.
There is point – when all bottoms are reached – when this compromising yourself to keep an appearance up starts to seem a bit ridiculous…
There is point – when all bottoms are reached – when this compromising yourself to keep an appearance up starts to seem a bit ridiculous. Yet I know I have written this before.
How important truth is and yet again get my own timing totally wrong.
Is it just my own expectation of myself? Expecting too much too fast short term and too little long term?
Handling other’s and my own fears my whole life I learned early on to improvise. To think ahead. To think fast. Take control and steer things back to safe shores again. I never had time to really learn something, so most things were done on a whim.
Wing it even when necessary. And it worked. But now I don’t want to do that anymore.
Not that it doesn’t work, but I don’t want the toxic hangovers associated with it.
I no longer want to do anything where I am either whipping myself into over-performance or over-responsibility nor do I want to go to bed feeling that I am never ever done with something.
So I am retraining myself. Holding myself accountable to things with a clear beginning and distinct ends.
Today I signed up for something I normally would have winged – just this time I decided I would really learn and really understand how to do it. Red flags all over, but I hanged in.
To be exact I hanged in for a whole 6 hours until I cracked it. I took it home. Redid it from scratch. Again and again. Then I did it a second time. A little bit more than an hour this time.
I didn’t earn anything. I didn’t achieve anything that shows anything to anyone.
Just to myself that is.
Today I earned my self-respect.
It felt really good and tomorrow I am going to try it some more.
317 signals to go. Coming home.