One foot

One foot in front of the other – Faith, Belief and Vision 

Little did I know, the day I started 362 lights home, that I would have an almost 4-year detour on the way forward. Maybe detour is a bit strong word, since it did fill a purpose and more importantly put food on my children’s table, gave us a possibility to find a new and improved home as well as putting my back on the working market. 

The faith however, hasn’t always been with me. Sometimes the view been so mudding and I so tired I didn’t remember the path I was on. Where I was heading. Looking back, I can conclude though, that my belief must have stayed steady. One foot in front of the other every single day. I am back on MY path again. 

We survived.  

We grew up. 

There have been days when I have asked myself – were we spoiled? Catered or something? Or why did it all become, so hard suddenly?  I have even believed it in periods. Telling myself what an idiot I must have been. My mother must have been. 

While the truth is, we were just not prepared. 

Prepared for any such curveball. 

Prepared for generating everything ourselves. 

Prepared for every single little consequence being on us. 

But we did it. 

Hard lessons and hard work. 

Not even taking it away would be easy – because now we know – and we are prepared. And we have a Vision. A next chapter.   

We know in our hearts of hearts, that if we belief and stick to it will happen. We will reach whatever we set out minds too. 

Dreams and wishes turned into goals and accomplishments. 

Things I even forgotten, but remember now looking back. 

School diplomas. Animals saved. New languages. Qualify for a credit card or loan. Being able to buy chocolate every day if we wanted to. New town. New friends. 

Looking forward to the next chapter – this is what they call faith isn’t it? 

297 signals to go. On my way home.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Revise plan

Something does have to be done now.I have to live this life as I mean it…

So it says on my weekly to do/goal if I don’t reach certain goals.

I have now lived through a couple of partly horrible days when that occurred.

So revised action is required.

About 12 years ago I set out on a journey – that at the time was just a personal little issue – to be a single mother AND be none dependant on the government for benefits or anything else for that matter.

Little did I know that it would become a battle of a lifetime and a quest that from time to time spans from having the right to say or do certain things to big social or economic issues.

Personal freedom runs very deep with me. Not so much due to anyone trying to suppress me, but simply because it is an urge that is very strong and very deep. Like eating, sleep, creativity or sex – the right to be the truest version of oneself.

I used to go about as if this was about external permissions and regulations – being liberal; pro globalisation, pro minority groups, animal rights etc.

I now realized that the biggest with all of it is myself. I am the judge, the victim, the crusader and the rebel all at the same time.

I thought it was about me not feeling so lost in the world, just to wake up to a madness, that is so screwed it becomes about plain survival practically, emotionally, socially and financially.

Being an observer, a creative, a deeply connected person this is not going to be easy – but it the only way I have. Every day I don’t remember why I taken this path. Lead when it would be so much easier to follow. Maybe it is the notion that whatever has to happen has to happen fast – something has to be done right now. And maybe it isn’t just about me, but about all of us.

Something does have to be done now.

I have to live this life as I mean it…

338 signal to go. Finding my way.

Image courtesy of surasakiStock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net