Divine Storms

All possible chaos, pain and hellish things. All thrown in the blender of life, getting mixed up, complex and saucy. No clarity, no beginnings and no ends….

Divine Storm – I loved the word the moment I read it [Mastin Kipp’s blog].

All possible chaos, pain and hellish things. All thrown in the blender of life, getting mixed up, complex and saucy. No clarity, no beginnings and no ends.

I believe everyone who has either been in one, come out of one or is heading for one – knows exactly what storm I am talking about.

The storm that either kills you or wakes you up.

Someone once told me that people that has been there in general are becoming better type of people. They no longer take things for granted, avoid judging and carries their humbleness on the sleeve. Bad things, and especially those that doesn’t related to you directly, are not bad.

The strength with which we have built the storm is just a fraction of the divine strength we have when we work with the universal system and not against it. Just imagine.

The older I gotten I have also come to consider that in the end of the day our emotional experience is really a far larger part of the picture and we take it too little into account. Both regarding ourselves, but primarily how we inter act with others.

In can stay in the eye of the storm – in the calm safe vacuum – and I can see my life swirling around me. Round round. Things upside down, apart, in the air, without direction, without connection.

I attempt to reach for something and instantly it is like a gravity that would pull me back in to it.

I sit back again. Look again. Choose again. Try again.

In this place I can take back a few things. Those that are really mine. The rest can wander off with the storm. It does no longer belong to me.

I don’t walk out of my prison. I let IT walk out on me.

It is not hard. It is not tiring. I can stand up and I am free.

Everything is fresh and light around me. Like the air after rain.

A reset to start again.

310 signals to go.

40 years in the desert

I can’t help of wondering if Moses never had any doubts?..

I think that was what Moses did? Wandering around I assume until he found his promised land.

I can’t help of wondering if he never had any doubts? No one was ever upset with him? Wondering what he was doing? How did he handle that?

And the women what were they doing? Or thinking?

The persistence and the size of faith, that all must have required… so what are my comparably small little problems compared to all that?

Can I find the same strength as his to lead myself out of the suffering? This self-made prison our generation seem to have created around us.

Can I re-fine that set point in myself when I would wake up and get out of bed just for the fun of the day ahead of me? Re-connect with that joy and creativity?

Finding inner sparkle without sugar, caffeine, tobacco or whatever?

This is for me my real question – to trust in myself – in my faith in myself.

Like a small small light far away I can at least see it. No bonfire. But something small that is bright and shines. I know now my path is leading that way. That I eventually will emerge in it.

I can start healing by accepting myself. I don’t need to know anymore. I don’t need to control or protect or differentiate. Or maybe a little bit. The mother in me still wants to protect.

Maybe acceptance is protection? Having somebody’s back when they go out on the arena of life? Shielding anyone would be hindering them even going out there in the first place wouldn’t it?

OK, white flag to myself – both protection and tolerance includes some type separation between good and bad and puts myself in the middle being the ruler…undo.

Long day, but still here – 319 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Stoonn at www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

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