Some say change is a linyard line from one place to another.
Others say it is a line – but – with loops on the way – sort of like recycling off path and then back on track.
Or it could be a constant forth and back hoping the forward movement are the once adding up on the plus side.
To me it has come to be about presence and awareness. Removing layer by layer.
It used to feel like ok now I got it and then I almost got disappointed when it turned out to be yet another layer to work through. Now I have learned to enjoy that – if it can be this much better what could yet another layer not be?
It has also become about moving emotional goal posts – reference points – as well as boundaries. I am not sure, but I must have been a bit of a doormat. I proud myself in being kind, but somewhere between naive and worried not to be liked I became the super diplomat, never really saying really no to anything.
So I practice that now. How much did I exercise my confidence this day and how many nos did I say to anything? Maybe this is what can happen when something goes wrong for one reason or the other and then you take on the guilt role and do that way longer than everybody else? You lose track of where you start and finish and all that other stuff begins?
Tonight I grateful – I am right here – a long road ahead and another longer road behind, but right here is fine – it is my own road and that is all that counts.
325 signals to go.