When my soul is black and blue

You throw your issues at me.

Like a gazillion sharp arrows they hit me.

Nails me to your cause…

You throw your issues at me.

Like a gazillion sharp arrows they hit me.

Nails me to your cause.

Stuck you keep me there; it is all your issues, your life, everyone ever done something bad towards you, ignored you or neglected you.

You curse, you swear, you pant and are at me again.

I can barely breath. Your hatred hits me in the stomach and I am out of breathe.

Getting up I try to not disturb you. I draw in the sand.

This is the line, I point at the drawing, that separates you from me.

You do not walkover that line – ever – again.

Walk away it sings in my head as I walk away.

What is it you want I ask myself. If you can’t get what you want, then what is it?

My life? My sanity? What is it that you want from me that you think will heal whatever is broken in you?

I turn and look at the line on a distance. Is it yours or mine?

Did I let myself be pulled over into a territory that was not mine?

I tremble.

I stumble.

I fall.

For f*** sake just leave me alone…I mumble to myself.

I try to get up, but it is hard.

Every arrow has left me a bruise. Black and blue I am.

I don’t cry, but I have no strength anymore.

I look, I prepare, I aim.

I hit you just beside your heart. You look surprised. Didn’t thought I had it in me did you?

We both know I will let you live, but we both also know – this is real.

The pretense is over.

My soul is soar.

My soul is black and blue.

I am going home.

304 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Dariusz Sas at www.dreamstime.com

 

Knowing what to do

I look at myself and I am amazed over the difference purpose and a sense of control can have on a persons sanity?

I look at myself and I am amazed over the difference purpose and a sense of control can have on a persons sanity?

For me it is clearly very tightly linked. I open up my computer and I have 4 new assignments from one of the agencies I work for. Go to work! Get done!

And suddenly I am all calm again. Even take breaks to do things outdoors and yet get more done then when I am “free”all day. This to have a task to fulfill and a role to play every day seems very important to us.

I know the nature cultures operate like this – it is the groups responsibility to find the task each one of best suited for to do. Why did we drop this tradition? Imagine if we as a community attended every citizen like this…but no… we are all about the money or no that is not right either…we are all about the profit. What we can possibly gain for doing anything for anyone.

Doing things just because they are the-right-thing-to-do seems like some old line from a long forgotten movie by now. It is like I am an alien when I try. there must be something wrong with me unless i don’t try to take advantage of something or someone – OR – I must have a conspiracy plan so big they cant even picture it…. Lovely isn’t it.

Many times I have been torn about however intentions are a good or bad thing or just a lame excuse for not getting there. When I am in my peace I go for the further, because most of the time, even when someone supposedly “fail”me they did try. The times I met people who intentionally plan – plan is an important factor here – to hurt me is extremely rare.

Back to my daily shores now.

308 signals to go. Knowing what to do.

Image courtesy to Bugtiger at www.freedigitalphotos.net