90 seconds on reality

So I am stepping out slowly but surely to the reality. Back to school and back to work and all that.

Somewhere I read that we only hold emotions for 90 seconds… then they blow over.

So if we can only survive those 90 seconds – not responding with another terrorizing emotion or action – we will be grounded back to life again. Which of these lives now – that is…

So I am stepping out slowly but surely to the reality. Back to school and back to work and all that.

Somewhere I read that we only hold emotions for 90 seconds… then they blow over.

So if we can only survive those 90 seconds – not responding with another terrorizing emotion or action – we will be grounded back to life again. Which of these lives now – that is…

I found that I am either conditioned, or shaped, into believing that emotions are good – that is what life is about in fact. The bigger the better. There are 2 backsides to this reasoning however.

One being I only seem to be big on the negative stuff and can barely separate the difference or define the positive ones…

The second is society seem to prefer we are not emotional at all. It is disturbing apparently.

And then the given that once we finally get that we are more than just this body and just this life – then there is the children…and they didn’t ask for neither the way kids don’t.

Is functioning the same as being numbed off and in survival mode? Denying pains, grief and regrets?

Getting stuck in one owns pains or of others is simply overwhelming. To be eye to eye with real suffering is hard. Rape, war, money disasters, death…just to name a few that landed in my inbox this Monday morning. It feels  like one could throw up, call in sick and go and hide under a pillow – but that is not an option in my reality. I can dwell in the 90 seconds and that’s it.

Resourcefulness means something else here. One way or the other you have to move yourself forward. Plant the seeds. Nurture and nurture and nurture again and if everything goes well harvest at some point. Nurturing can also be hard. Children, animals, work, self, family…

So I hold that breath for 90 seconds. Sit in it all and when i let it go I am so out of breath I can’t take another one fast enough – and whatever moment has passed and I can re-focus.

Going home. 299 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Coward Lion at www.fredigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

Trusting the process

I never thought much about the throwing up, so why about the crying?…

Lately I have been putting a lot of effort on a particular part of my work. To the level that yesterday I felt like I was going to cry because I couldn’t come up with anything more I possibly could do…

Then a tiny voice reminded me not to rely everything on myself.

Walk away. Take a walk literally. Trust your efforts.

Anxiety left, but now I sit here again staring at it like some new planted seeds, which hasn’t started to show up yet. Like I could speed up the processes by keeping looking at it.

Now it is time to let the process process. The cake to bake. The seed  to crack and grow – by itself.

So what do you do when the cake is in the oven? When the tree is nurturing its fruit? The baby growing?

Take care of myself. Keep busy with something else. Intentionally distract myself if need be. Enjoying the down time.

Breath.

I assume crying like that is the same as when you run a race and throw up in the end. You give it your all and a bit more. Completely turning yourself inside out…

I never thought much about the throwing up, so why about the crying?

It is just telling me I did gave it my all – just as I set out to do – and that is all I can do.

Now it is time to move on. Do the – next – right – thing.

I’m fine. All is well. I am on my way. 340 signals to go.

Image courtesy of Sura Nualpradid  at FreeDigitalPhotos.net