How are you surviving today?

The dark disguised in bright shiny colours blinding us…

On this quest to find myself my home within, I am more and more often coming across and ponder on the dark side.

The dark disguised in bright shiny colours blinding us with its promises.

In my culture it used to be symbolised by fancy sexy women with long hair, that when you could see their backs, it was like rutten trees with big holes and white worms crawling around predicting the walking of death.

So – I am exploring the backside of truth and of vulnerability, creativity, passion – when it has gone haywire.

My first stop is numbness.

According to statistics we have never shut down and tried to numb ourselves so much ever before. It is food, medication, drugs, debt, gambling, internet, sex etc etc – and etc. Long list. Very long list.

So long it makes me wonder – taken everyone at any moment is saying or doing what they think is best for that very specific moment – and we run away – collectively – to this extent – it must mean:

a) we are not so insensitive as we think of each other nor about ourselves?

b) how we live and how we relate to each other and our biological environment must be considerably off target?

Maybe we are all just trying to survive and when we run out of tools we just go back to something, which we for whatever reason references as comfort, something we think we have control over.

There is also proven, that for each generation we have become more and more sensitive. Our biological senses are overworked and indirectly saying the no we can’t get ourselves to say out loud.

Many children, when kicking back, are judged horribly and given all sorts of acronyms. Maybe it is the other way around?

Is it our bodies, with increased heart diseases, all sorts of cancers, allergies, over sensitivity – screaming the best it can?

We have all run enough now. We simply can’t take another step any more. We have to deal with ourselves in another way.

No flee. No freeze. No fight.Now what?

With this I go to bed tonight.

323 signals to go. Good night.

Image courtesy to Feelart at www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

The Talk

No, this is not about sex…

No, this is not about sex…

Sometimes I get like cramps or sticking feeling over the chest and today was one of those days. This can come and go and be away for a while and then something happens and it is there again.

Yes – this is real and it is serious, so today I had to have The Talk with my youngest daughter – and it was not easy. I could see she was trying to keep her tears back and was stressed about what she had to remember – everything from what she would have to say to person answering when calling 112 to all sort of facts to remember and how to be able to explain a specific location if something ever happened and we wouldn’t be at home.

I grew up with my grandma and not anyone of my parents and when she died none of her children (3) were there. A few days before we had The Talk. She predicted her kids would fight over the cash – quietly she gave me her weddings rings despite the plain band and put them in my hand – “incase you ever come in trouble and they won’t help you”.

I don’t have any wedding rings. So what do I tell her? In case we only have a few hours left?

This is what I told her – after we gone over how to call for emergency help and what to do in the meantime – “you know that little voice that speaks to you, when you play or are all by yourself, if I am not here that is the one you should listen to – noone else. Always trust what your gut is telling you and if you’re unsure, go somewhere quiet and just be still and wait – it will speak to you sooner or later”.

And then a quick ten minutes crash course in how to be financially independent and what to expect of a trader and a banker and what reinvesting means in reality and how it works.

“But mummy – I know you’re strong and you wouldn’t want to die now”.

“I know, sweetie, but just in case ok”.

“OK, can we still do the bank thing in the meantime?”.

It is now 3 hours later and after 5 separate cramps it hasn’t come back – so yes – we can do “the bank thing” in the meantime.

326 signals to come home.