One foot

One foot in front of the other – Faith, Belief and Vision 

Little did I know, the day I started 362 lights home, that I would have an almost 4-year detour on the way forward. Maybe detour is a bit strong word, since it did fill a purpose and more importantly put food on my children’s table, gave us a possibility to find a new and improved home as well as putting my back on the working market. 

The faith however, hasn’t always been with me. Sometimes the view been so mudding and I so tired I didn’t remember the path I was on. Where I was heading. Looking back, I can conclude though, that my belief must have stayed steady. One foot in front of the other every single day. I am back on MY path again. 

We survived.  

We grew up. 

There have been days when I have asked myself – were we spoiled? Catered or something? Or why did it all become, so hard suddenly?  I have even believed it in periods. Telling myself what an idiot I must have been. My mother must have been. 

While the truth is, we were just not prepared. 

Prepared for any such curveball. 

Prepared for generating everything ourselves. 

Prepared for every single little consequence being on us. 

But we did it. 

Hard lessons and hard work. 

Not even taking it away would be easy – because now we know – and we are prepared. And we have a Vision. A next chapter.   

We know in our hearts of hearts, that if we belief and stick to it will happen. We will reach whatever we set out minds too. 

Dreams and wishes turned into goals and accomplishments. 

Things I even forgotten, but remember now looking back. 

School diplomas. Animals saved. New languages. Qualify for a credit card or loan. Being able to buy chocolate every day if we wanted to. New town. New friends. 

Looking forward to the next chapter – this is what they call faith isn’t it? 

297 signals to go. On my way home.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Do your own homework

You know what – I don’t want you to go out in the world and think that you are entitled. Do you know what entitled means? It means…

This week I focused on my new work. Completely dived into it and it starts to make sense.

What in the beginning felt like a possible failure or impossible obstacles are now things I just have to figure out and work around – and I do.

Then someone came by and knocked the door just to tell me they finally resolved my internet. Woohoo! I can’t really express the feeling when we have been without internet for so long… It is almost like you forget how smooth it is and how extremely spoiled we are are having it in the first place.

So I use the opportunity to look at a feelgood movie with my kids – Bad Moms with Mila Kunis and Christina Applegate.

I am not sure this movie is the definition of bad moms, but it is very relate-able for anyone who has or have had kids – the-please-all-other-parents-syndrome at school – attend every committee, PTA, bake sale you name i t. In other words the mom-trap that sends you straight to parent-hell with bad self confidence, more insecurities and I-am-never-enough nightmares.

A lot of standard Hollywood bla bla comedy and then suddenly this super scene where the kids in  the kitchen one morning waiting for breakfast and wonder where she is, followed by the son freaking out that no one done his science homework and she turns to him and says;

You know what – I don’t want you to go out in the world and think that you are entitled.  Do you know what entitled means? It means that you will expect other people to do things for you, but they don’t; me to do your homework, your teacher to give you high grades, your boss to give you a pay raise for no reason, your wife to do everything for you, your kids to be a lot of things that you have chosen – in other words a HORRIBLE person! And then you are going to get divorced, have a bad relationship with your kids etc etc. NOBODY has to do anything for you – and the sooner you start working on actually knowing and doing things for yourself the better life will be and you will not have all those problems – making sense? So you do your own homework from now on – and off she walks.

As part of a co-dependency scenario entitlement pops up more often than not in both directions. One who thinks that with what ever addiction or problem – since we now agreed it is a problem – they now think they are entitled to help to solved or help to “handle”it. Then again one always being agreeable, taking out all fires and smoothing and fixing at some point concludes , that being this nice, polite, helpful and so on I now have a right to get something in return – whatever I want and preferably right now… and so it goes on.

So I know this dance and I wish someone had told me exactly the same at that age, but more in the lines of; Entitlement means that you are going to think that your mum, because she has said and done stupid things when she has been drunk, owes you something. Anything really. And from time to time she is going to agree, because of guilt, and at other times – she won’t or can’t. And you know what will happen then? You will prove to yourself you are right – you are going to tell the world to look how bad she is to you – when you in all reality was wrong from the very beginning! She and the rest of the world owes you NOTHING, so get off that little butt of yours and get going! No one will do your life for you!

But no one gave me that speech… so I also have to do it now instead, but I am very proud of my small steps forward and mini successes!

307 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Stuart Miles at www.freedigitalphotos.net