Days of silence

There are those moments that moves you to the core…

Sometimes days pass in silence. Maybe thoughts and emotions are being processed. Maybe life passes in a flow of nothingness.

Either way not much is being written. However, I have learned to listen to the writing voice now. In a similar way I don’t have to stress about how fast or how many pages I read my spiritual readings, nor do I have to worry the guidance to write won’t come back.

The past days I have geared up my work a little bit more. It is quite a bit until it is where I want it, but considering the darkness I found myself I am happy about the progress. Focus and energy comes easier by the day.

Less and less do I look around. I know roughly where I want things to go, so most things select themselves. And then there are those moments of confusion and waves of worry or scarcity – but they blow over faster and faster now. Like I can hold my own steering wheel more firmly now.

Then there are those moments that moves you to the core. They also cause deep silence.

Lately I found out that it is possibly that I didn’t had the picture regarding a certain family situation completely right. At the same time, I can fully understand why this person maybe didn’t tell me the whole truth. Why I was left to my own understanding and believes.

Things simply are too painful to talk about sometimes and maybe I wasn’t the best sounding board either at the time. I wrote a whole post about it, but decide not to publish it. Maybe the subject will come again another day. For now, it is better off deleted.

I rely on myself, but more importantly, I have started to slowly trust my own ability again. That is almost worth more than money in the bank.

I am getting there. 311 signals to go.

Image courtesy MrWildLife at www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

Hacking myself?

Information overwhelm and I am not just stuck in my head – it has also left me and vanished far into the future and seems…

Difficulties.

I am holding my breath and I can almost feel the tension putting its nail into my shoulders.

I remind myself to breath. Need to get back to work. Focus.

Between then and now 200 thoughts have passed and I have concluded how much I don’t know and a 1000 things I could do with the things I do know…

Information overwhelm and I am not just stuck in my head – it has also left me and vanished far into the future and seems out of reach for me right now…

Seriously?

I breathe again and open my eyes and collect myself. I can do this. I AM doing this.

Focus and there will be no room for worry.

One thing at a time.

This is good. I am on to something.

It is weird. My head has not left the body and there is no tingling anywhere. Rock solid presence.

I am on to something that I know. I didn’t know that I knew, but never the less. I know.

I know something very genuinely and deep and to the degree my body shows no sign of weakness.

It is my voice. My very own voice. No dialogue going forth and back. Just one plain voice.

Grounded, clear and firm (?).

I hacked myself.

I am stunned.

This is the voice people told me to take so good care of twenty years ago.

(Yeah, what else am I suppose to do? Drop it somewhere?)

I was so unaware and so naive.

(You are talking outside my body – why is it hurting so much?)

Calmer now. Want to give myself a hug. It is ok. Know better now.

315 signals to go. Definitely coming home.

Image courtesy by Pat138241 at www.freedigitalphotos.net